ELECTION NEWS??!!

Subject: Fw: Twas The Night Before Election

 

The rythm may be a bit off but the thoughts are "sweet"!

 

Subject: Twas The Night Before Election

 

Twas the night before election and all through the House,

Not a Creature was stirring, not even a same-sex spouse;

 

The whistleblowers were hung out to dry with care,

In hopes that integrity soon would be there;

 

The spin doctors were nestled all smug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-coating danced in their heads;

 

Goodale in kerchief with no spending cap,

Layton settled down with a long fiscal trap;

 

When out on the lawn there arouse such a clatter,

Belinda wanted another deal on a platter;

 

"If Harper wins I'll fly back in a flash,

 To be a Tory again and I'll give up my sash;"

 

The moon shone brightly on Parliament Hill,

But who in the shadows had their hands in the till?

 

When, what would my wondering eyes see out there?

A sleigh and eight Liberals flying through the air;

 

With a little old driver, so sneaky and quick,

 I knew in a moment it must be St. Slick;

 

More rapid than tax cuts his coursers they came,

he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

 

"Now Dingwall! now Corriveau! now Coffin & Brault,

 On Ouellet, On Lafleur, On Guite & Gagliano!

 

To the top of the Peace Tower! To the top of the wall!

Hide the cash away! Cash away! Cash away all!"

 

So up to the house-top the Liberals they flew,

With the sleigh full of blank checks and Paul Martin too.

 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard them all linger,

The prancing & pawing of each greedy finger;

 

As I held on my wallet and was turning around,

Down the chimney Paul Martin came with a bound.

 

He was banged up and bruised but he didn't care,

'cause Paul Martin had access to better health care;

 

A bundle of promises he had flung on his back,

he looked like a peddler just opening his pack;

 

His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples so fun!

He said "Vote for me and I'll ban the handgun!"

 

There was no sign of children, they must have been hidin',

Or else they were being looked after by Minister Dryden:

 

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

"Those bastard Americans, I'll sell them our beef";

 

He had a broad face, but his smile was fading,

When he learned all the rumours of insider trading;

 

He was chubby and plump, a jolly old elf;

But they can't have my kids I'll raise them myself;

 

They'll give nothing to parents, for they greatly fear,

We'll blow all the money on popcorn and beer;

 

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

The thought of him winning brought nothing but dread;

 

He took out his golf balls & went straight to his work,

Filled Chretien's stocking; then called him a jerk;

 

Looked at his watch and cried out "Oh no",

Can't be late for my meeting with Bono";

 

He gave his team a whistle and brown envelope

and away they flew on a sharp upward slope;

 

But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he left the Peace Tower

 "Happy Christmas to all but please keep me in power!"

 

Jeff Morris is the publisher of the Manotick Messenger, a sister paper to the Winchester Press