Aging Gracefully

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club
and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics
class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time
I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what
do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the
reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer
pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your
own Easter eggs.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was
your husband?" "98," she replied, "Two years older
than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries,
a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer
and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor
circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my
friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's
license.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told
her preacher she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her
ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
"Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me
twice a week."

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some
parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart
says, "For fast relief."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes.
Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get
back up.!

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow
old, You grow old because you stop laughing.