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13 comments:
I don't usually write anything political at VC but today's MSN headline is scarey! "Bush overhauls U.S. intelligence" I needed a chuckle today!
Not sure if this is a joke or a truism, and I don't participate in talking politics, but this was too good to pass up: Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks..........
''How many is a Brazillion??!' Cheers, Linda
Linda; Sounds very believable to me. I wonder if whatshisname even knows where Brazil is.......... mpu
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No Speaka de English
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country . . we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives. . " "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell "Mississippi'."
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multi..that is one of the funniest jokes i've ever read...thanks
Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship?
Psychiatrists claim the other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. They are rarely wrong on these things. We rush to print with an emergency prompt list of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.
-- "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow,
red, red, green, blue..."
-- "Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
-- "What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them
away every year? Tie them in knot?"
-- "Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry
that sucker."
-- "If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than
your father."
-- "Give me that!"
-- "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The
electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not
up at the top."
-- "I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"
-- "You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed
it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"
-- "Have you been drinking?"
-- "Where's the cat?" type=text/javascript>
Christmas Cake Recipe You'll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky
Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.
New Study
A South American Scientist, from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with not enough sexual activities read
their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off, it's too late.
Your a Funny Girl,..Mom1945 .........but you got me..................hahahahaha HF&RV
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