Thursday, February 2, 2006

Friday Funny







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> *A curious fellow died one day and found
> himself waiting in the long
> line of judgment.*
>
> *As he stood there, he noticed that some souls
> were allowed to march right through the Pearly
Gates and into Heaven.
> Others though, were led over to Satan, who
threw them into the burning pit. But every so
often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the
fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side
into a small pile.*
>
> *After watching Satan do this several times,
> the fellow's curiosity got
> the best of him. So he strolled over and asked
> Satan what he was doing*
>
> *"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said, "I'm
> waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't
help
wondering, why
> are you tossing those people aside instead of
flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the
others?"*
>
> *"Ah, those.." Satan said with a groan,
> "They're all from the Pacific
> Northwest - they're still too wet to burn."*

4 comments:

mom1945-linda MSN said...

winnie3ave     good one

redmond1949 MSN said...

This message has been deleted by the author.

winnie3ave MSN said...









 

  

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.  

The woman took out her bill fold, removed ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" 
  
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied. 

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.  
  
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." 
  
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon
instead of food?" the woman asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"  

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money.  Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight." 

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

 The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and  wine."
 


Use your PC to make calls at very low rates

biking2006 MSN said...

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.