Monday, March 9, 2009

Mom's Wisdom

I Owe My Mother


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning."


2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
middle of next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."


5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
going to the store with me."


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear ,!

in case you're in an accident."


7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! "


10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times .. Don't exaggerate!"


13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."


14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"


15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."


16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until your father gets home."


17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"


18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get
stuck that way."


19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are


20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running
to me."


21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."


23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a


24 .. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."


25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day! you'll have kids, and I hope they turn
out just like you!

Bill (Second Avenue)


john allison said...

Thank heaven we listened to everyone of those. And because we were so obedient, we grew up so we could share those same remarks with our kids.... Thank heaven for being able to watch the :battles" that my kids have with their does my heart good!!!!! Of course my grandkids can do no wrong....

Les F said...

Bill , Second Ave,..Biking,........ 'Howzit' I didn't realise that was you......hahahahah Good to know your posting ...............................aloha & hf&rv

pauline garneau said...

Just a long shot but is there any chance your mother and my mother are sisters. Maybe just maybe you are my cousin.

Diane Roberts said...

Ah...the grandkids give us sweet revenge, don't they!

pauline garneau said...

I really thought my grand kids were the only perfect kids alive today. I'm glad to know there are others and they are not alone.Sincerely Pauline

Dolly ? said...

Too funny! lol!