World Wide Terror Alert

GOVERNMENT WARNING

Terror Alert Levels (UNCLASSIFIED)

 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."  The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.  Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."  The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards."  They don't have any other levels.  This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."  The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."  The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.  It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.  Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."  Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."  They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!"  Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us."

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate."  Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!,' "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled."  So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Classification:  UNCLASSIFIED 
Caveats: NONE

How to really screw up big time: "Aye Carumba" & Yikes

   Not the way to start the holidays:

-- Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.

-- Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They are said to named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

-- Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

-- What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

-- What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing

-- Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn¹t decide between a wood and an iron.

-- I always said golf was a dangerous game: All this happened because Tiger picked up another birdie.

-- What club did Elin use to 'rescue' her husband? A bitching wedge.

-- (Politically incorrect): What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They're both clubbed by Norwegians!

 

                      

 

                 Yikes man , get it together,                 HF&RV

Novemebr 11th Remembrance Day

If you have a Canadian $10 bill, look at the back right side of the bill.

• You will see an old veteran standing at attention near the Ottawa war memorial.
• His name is Robert Metcalfe and he died last year, at the age of 90. That he managed to live to that age is rather remarkable, given what happened in the   Second World War.
• Born in England, he one of the 400,000 members of the British Expeditionary Force sent to the mainland where they found themselves facing the new German warfare technique - the Blitzkrieg.
• He was treating a wounded comrade when he was hit in the legs by shrapnel. Enroute to hospital, his ambulance came under fire from a German tank, which then miraculously ceased fire.
• Evacuated from Dunkirk on HMS Grenade, two of the sister ships with them were sunk.
• Recovered, he was sent to allied campaigns in north Africa and Italy.
• Enroute his ship was chased by the German battleship Bismarck. 
• In North Africa he served under General Montgomery against the Desert Fox, Rommel
• Sent into the Italian campaign, he met his future wife, a lieutenant and physiotherapist in a Canadian hospital.
• They were married in the morning by the mayor of the Italian town, and again in the afternoon by a British padre. 
• After the war they settled in Chatham where he went into politics and became the warden (chairman) of the county.

     At the age of 80 he wrote a book about his experiences and on his retirement he and his wife moved to Ottawa. One day out of the blue he received a call from a government official asking him to go downtown for a photo op. He wasn't told what the photo was for or why they chose him.

     "He had no idea he would be on the bill," his daughter said.

And now you know the rest of the story of the old veteran on the $10 bill.

America has the right to bare arms

 

 

and to bare legs

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OHe5I7YASo&NR=1

Victory Europe May 8th 1945

Military personnel and civilians celebrate VE-Day on Sparks Street in Ottawa on May 8, 1945. (CP Photo/ National Archives of Canada, PA-114617)

INDEPTH: VE-DAY Victory in Europe CBC News Online | May 6, 2005 The news flash reached Canada at 9:36 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time on May 7, 1945: “Germany has surrendered unconditionally.” This time the news was real. There had been two earlier reports; one was erroneous and the second officially premature. On April 28, as the war continued in Europe, as Russian and American troops met on the River Elbe, there were rumours from San Francisco, the site of the conference leading to the founding of the United Nations. The second report came on the morning of May 7, when there was a flash from The Associated Press saying Germany had surrendered. The military surrender agreement for the German armed forces was signed at a schoolhouse in Rheims, France, at 2:41 a.m. local time on May 7, 1945, by Colonel General Gustav Jodl, chief of staff of the German army; Lt.-Gen. Walter Bedell Smith, chief of staff for the Supreme Allied Commander General Dwight D. Eisenhower; General Ivan Susloparov for Russia; and General Francois Sevez for France. But there were no confirming bulletins from other news organizations – Allied headquarters had ordered the news withheld for 24 hours, even though German radio had announced the surrender. That news did reach Canadian soldiers in Holland; church bells rang across the country, and the troops took part in celebrations in Utrecht and Amsterdam. On May 7, 1945, within minutes of a CBC bulletin that Germany had surrendered unconditionally, crowds flooded onto Rue Ste-Catherine in Montreal. (CBC Photo/Montreal Herald) With the premature news, celebrations had already started across North America; people gathered at Toronto City Hall and in small towns across the Prairies, as well as in New York and other major cities across the U.S. The parties dampened down when people heard that the news could be wrong again. At 3 in the afternoon EDT, the BBC announced that British Prime Minister Winston Churchill would address the Empire at 9 a.m. EDT the next morning. Later, Washington said President Harry Truman would speak to the American people at the same time. Something was definitely up, and six hours later the celebrations started up again when the German surrender was confirmed. When Churchill went on the air, it was afternoon in the U.K. but first thing in the morning in Canada. He told the audience, “We may allow ourselves a brief period of rejoicing, but let us not forget for a moment the toils and efforts that lie ahead. Japan, with all her treachery and greed, remains unsubdued.” He then declared “Victory in Europe Day,” soon shortened to VE-Day. There were official celebrations across Canada, including a parade on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, crowds filled the streets of Toronto and Montreal, there were victory parades in small towns. Times Square in New York City and Piccadilly Circus in London were packed. In Halifax, there were riots. The city was overcrowded, filled with navy and army personnel. For months there had been tension – many in the armed forces resented what they considered an indifferent or hostile attitude from the permanent civilian residents in the city. The restaurants and liquor stores in both Halifax and Dartmouth were closed, but once the celebrations began some people began breaking into the liquor stores. What began as small incidents then became widespread vandalism and looting. In the end, three people were dead, 207 shops were looted, a total of 554 businesses damaged and many arrested. Across the Atlantic, the surrender of the government of Germany was signed and ratified in Berlin at 11 p.m. local time, 6 p.m. EDT. After the ceremony, there was an official banquet for the victors, hosted by the Soviet commander, Marshal Georgy Zhukov. In Moscow, the Soviet Union proclaimed what it called “Victory Day” would begin at midnight, May 9. Fighting continued against the Japanese in the Far East theatre. The U.S. army was facing fierce resistance on the Philippine island of Mindanao, and U.S. aircraft sank or damaged 18 Japanese ships while American bombers hit the island of Kyushu.