CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE
You'll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky
Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! 
24 comments:
Dianne. Cried mour fristmas flake recity. Lidn't Churn out worf a sh**. It hure was dry. Frobably cuould hv used a mittle lore whisky. But it's okay, Hoo gives a toot, Eh. Wintony
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a "fluffy bowl".....what the hell is a fluffy bowl made of...lambs fur?
LMAO!!!!!
oh...on second thought....if anything needed a fluffy bowl it would be di's christmas cake....
I haventh 't a clue...whereth the scotch!!! Dianne
Oh my gosh...I am laughhing my whatever off!!!! I haven't had so much fun since granny caught her boobs in the washing machine ringers!!!!! Oh I sure hope this is a picture of the year to come. If it is I am ready!!!!
I just fried the Christmas bake morning this, I didn't fuse alle the igrdiants. I fink it burn out freety good. I eriminated the stuff like water, hugar, beggs, fluit, blown sugers, and tha stupis lemon juice stuffing, and of course them nutty nutty nuts. There was must to much stuff to memering. I like it now. Since I don't gots no lectrical stuff since that stupid storming thingy. I am in a good place right now...I fink!!! Ya man...plus this wacky tabacky don't hurt either, eh!!!! What day is this, EH??/ Who cares, man????
Winthton!!! The whithky ith berry good! HIC!!! ...That big old Elf, Saanta Clauth is baking his lisps, I'b been goood dis year! I lost my fluffy bowl...can ole fat Thanta bing me anodder one? Dianne
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Dianne. I think my head is clearing up, or maybe I am just in the TWILGHT zone.Did you say you were good this year or did I misunderstand. You must have meant you were so bad, you were really realy good. That is my guess. Really really good is just another way of saying EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!
Aphter I laminated must of dem engridients frm dat cuke, it sure trnd out tobe prity smoove, man. berry berry smoove.........I luv it, man!!!!!! I'm gonna mk som more of dat. Butt I gotta stay way way far frm any flamin flames!!! Dats for sure. And dats a fact, jack!!!!!
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Winston and Sandy! I spent a bit of time outside in the bracing cold looking for my fluffy bowl, but alas, I didn't find it! So I went to the local mall and there were none to be found....what's a girl to do now? Not to worry...I went to the liquor store and stocked up on 'spirits' for the season....so now I shall attempt that Christmas cake.....again!!! I cup whiskey.... Dianne
drunk again happy????
i'm surprised you dont have a 'wine' based christmas cake..
You bet I have one......my English trifle has sherry in it, 1/4 cup in the trifle the rest for me.....LOL!!! Dianne
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DWINENA... A fruffy blow.. Waht the heck is a furffu blowed?????
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Winthton...I have no idea!! Maybe ithts what happens after toooo many whithskeys! You can't find a fruffy blowl to grinds up the nuts and stuff and you gets a big headache trying! Well lets just have a wee drinkie and the hell with the Twistmas cuke an lets jus have a party! I know...letz jest go buys it at Lawbloaws!! Diannnne
EIGHTEEN BOTTLES OF WHISKEY I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my husband insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
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AGAIN????? STILL!!!!!
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Hi Sandy....don't forget the whiskey! That is a key ingredient! Miss America or Miss USA was on the radio the other day. I gather from the small bit I heard she's in some sort of hot water? Was she thrown into the drunk tank? I hear she isn't losing her crown. Some people have lost more for doing a lot less. Glad she's getting a second chance. Dianne
Dianne. I have to be real careful, because when I drink women have a tendency to take advantage of me. They think I am easy, and that may be true, but all I ask is for a little respect in the morning. They always tell me that they will give me as little respect as possible. I always say OKAY!!!!!!!
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