Things kids say

Things kids say: 

   NUDITY

   I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I
heard my 5-year-old shout from the back-seat, "Mom! That lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!"

   HONESTY

   My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell
me he'd

   dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and
threw it in

   the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then
ran to my

   bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and
said with 

   a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too
then, 'cause it

   fell in the toilet a few days ago.

   OPINIONS

   On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher
a note from

   his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this
child are not

   necessarily those of his parents."

   KETCHUP

   A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the
jar. During  her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister,
Mommy," the child said to her

   mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you

   right now. She's hitting the bottle."

   MORE NUDITY

   A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker

   room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with

ladies

   grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in

   amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever
seen a

   little boy before?"

   POLICE # 1

   While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was

   interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my

   uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and
continued

   writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask

   the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well,

   then," she said as she extended her foot toward me,

   "would you please tie my shoe?"

   POLICE # 2

   It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front
of the

   station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking,

   and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you
got back

   there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy
looked at me

   and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd
he do?"

   ELDERLY

   While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly

   shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds.

   She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age,

   particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I
found her

   staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself

   for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered,

   "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

   DRESS-UP
   A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
she saw

   her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that

   suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives
you a

   headache the next morning."

   DEATH

   While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister

   heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt.

   Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
dead robin.

   Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small

   box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal

   of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate

   prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what
he thought

   his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto
the Sonnn

   ..... and into the hole he gooooes."

   SCHOOL

   A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
just

   wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I
can't write

   and they won't let me talk!"

   BIBLE

   A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as
he

   fingered through the old pages Suddenly, something fell out of
the Bible.

   He picked up the object and looked at it.  What he saw was an
old leaf

   that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found",

   the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment 

   in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear