Canada busy sending back Bush-dodgers

 

Heather

"If we fail to nourish our souls, they wither, and without
soul, life ceases to have meaning.... The creative process shrivels in the
absence of continual dialogue with the soul. And creativity is what makes life
worth living."

-- Marion Woodman

 

Canada busy sending back
Bush-dodgers

Tuesday, November 16,
2004



The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified
in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal
immigration.



The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning

citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill
O'Reilly.



Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology

professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
night.



"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood

producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,

whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and

hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.

When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
screenplay, eh?"



In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but
the

liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush

Limbaugh across the fields.



"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through,
and Rush annoyed

the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."



Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near

the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across

the border and leave them to fend for themselves.



"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
Ontario

border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water.

They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."



When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing

loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been

circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in

which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals
have turned to sometimes ingenious

ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on

bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-

dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration

authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen

passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
Welk

Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.



Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an

organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't

support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
does

one country need?"



In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice

President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that

the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to

Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts.
And we

might put some endangered species on postage stamps.



The president is determined to reach out."